An Evolutionary View

The medication (Sinemet) that I take every 3 hours gives me functionality for anywhere between 15 minutes and 90 minutes each cycle, and sometimes not at all. I am completely dependent on it and the availability of this drug makes a tremendous difference to the quality of my life. Many years ago when I first heard about this medication I was so angry. The side effects seemed so much worse than the symptoms of the disease, at least as I was experiencing them at the time. And also the medication stops working altogether after 10-15 years.

Then I heard that this medication was only discovered sometime around 1968. I realized that this means that, if I had been living with this disease 45 years ago, I would not at this point in my life have any function at all. Also laptop computers, the Internet, and email had not been invented at that time. These technologies are lifelines for me, and I am only able to use them because I have some amount of functional time every day. Without technology and this medication, my life would be radically different and most of what I now do during my day would not have been possible just 40 years ago. The evolution of pharmaceutical and computer technologies over the past few decades provides me a profound degree of freedom in how I live my life. And the anger that I initially felt has now become profound gratitude that this medication is available.

From looking back to looking forward, even 10 years from now, it’s clear that the whole landscape of living with Parkinson's is going to be radically different. Looking at my situation in this way and seeing how evolutionary the continuum of life is, creates a context of understanding and a perspective that reveals that we are all part of an evolutionary process. And that this continually evolving process, which is a constant reaching forwards and upwards to create the new, is an illumination of the inherently positive nature of life itself.

Life is Positive

When I broke my rib in February, it was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced over a prolonged period. The Parkinson’s accentuated the pain of the broken rib. One night I was lying on the bed in excruciating pain, so I started to meditate. After a short time I found myself simultaneously experiencing both intense pain and a state of ecstasy. It went on for quite a long time and I was filled with awe at the experience of such extreme opposites occurring simultaneously. I saw that even this level of pain could not destroy the inherent positivity of life itself. This positivity is always there no matter what else is happening, whether I’m in touch with it or not. It was a huge gift to realize that this positivity can be trusted and embraced no matter what else is going on.